"Anna knew she had to cross the desert. Over it, on the far side, were mountains, purple and orange and grey. The colors of her dream were extraordinarily beautiful and vivid...." Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook

Though I’ve included a photo of the desert today with its spicy-smelling desert roses, what I really want to talk about is water.

Years ago, I had the pleasure of taking a little paddle with friends on the Verde River. While on the water, I realized a whole bunch of things. First off, it was the second time that water was being used as a vehicle of release for me. The first time was in Lourdes when we dropped the bag, the second time I've become the actual "bag" going down the river.

We all got our own rubber kayak, known as a “ducky,” and pushed off from shore. I always have this apprehension the first time I get into a kayak on a river I don't know at all. I don't know what's coming. Are the rapids? Are there a lot of rocks? Does it get really deep in places? What critters are out there just waiting for me i.e. snakes, scorpions, mountain lions, javelinas etc. So when I started this venture down the Verde there were a lot of unknowns.

So we all launched off the side without a problem. The fun thing about a ducky is that if you paddle too hard, you spin. This was such a calm section of the river that everyone had a lot of fun with this concept. We looked more like spinning bumper cars than kayakers!

Finally, we headed downstream and it was so calm and beautiful. No one in my group was in any hurry so we took our time and paddled where we wished.

Not long up the river, the first set of ripples happened. Not so big that they could be defined as rapids, just slightly rougher waters. I was steering towards the V shape in the water, but there was a really strong undercurrent so I just had to go with the flow.

It was after a series of these little ripples that I realized a few things:

1. A kayak is sort of like life. There's only so much I can put in the boat. If I have too much stuff in the kayak it doesn't function properly. On this trip I only had a water bottle but during my intense mothering years, I would have had a ton of stuff in my kayak or canoe to take care of the kids with. There are times in both kayaking and life that I have to get rid of things in my boat. I got rid of emotional stuff in Iona, later on in Lourdes, and now in Sedona. And it's not really the getting rid of but the transformation of.

2. No matter how much planning, sometimes, ya gotta go with the flow. Our journey down the river was a blend of calm waters with a few areas of “rippley waters” thrown in to keep us on our hypothetical toes. By the time we were on mile 6 of the river, I had learned quickly that whenever I got to the ripples I just put my paddle on my lap and let the water take me where it would. I just had to go into the flow, and let go.

3. The third thing I realized is that everything gets solved on the water. Each body of water has taught me to let go little by little. Water is also the symbol of "the universe" and as we've been studying that our universe is actually a hologram, all of the tools I've learned on or around water actually completely applies to the hologram. Water is a bunch of waves. The hologram is a bunch of waves and what I put into it either creates resistance or lets me go with the flow.

4. The only real important things that I take in the boat with me are:

Self Acceptance and Gratitude

The most important thing that I can't bring into the boat this time, is an anchor. I just have to go with the flow. Whenever I would put my paddle in the water to steer into the ripple the way I wanted, I only created a problem for myself. Like going into the ripple backward for example!

Whenever I went with the current it all worked out fine. Remember, all things are worked out on the water whether we're in the boat or we're throwing our pain and sorrows in a bag into the water, or hurling large stones representing life's shit out into the sea. No matter what, the flow solves it all.

Go with the flow.